BDSM and Kink

Incest at Game Night

I was recently at a friend’s house for a game night, when, as my favorite social gatherings do, someone inadvertently brought up the subject of kink (i.e., less conventional sexual interests and/or practices, including BDSM, fetishes, etc.). This person had misheard someone else during a word-game and thought they had said “daddy,” instead of whatever the word actually was. Some of us chuckled, but she then expressed disgust for incest fantasies, in general. (more…)

Don’t Call Me Goddess (Unless I Tell You To)

Throughout gradeschool, college, and the various jobs I’ve held, people who don’t know me have always addressed me by my legal name initially, until I clarify my preferred nickname. They deferred to formality as a gesture of politeness. So, why on online dating sites does this deference to formality no longer apply? (more…)

I Added A Kinky Dating Application to My OkCupid Profile. Here’s What Happened.

In late July, a friend sent me a screenshot of a woman’s Tinder profile where she included a link to a survey and directed men interested in dating her to fill it out. Although the questions she asked struck me as more superficial and entertaining than for compatibility assessment, I thought her idea was brilliant and decided to do the same for my OkCupid profile. Heck yes for efficiency, especially for someone like me who is seeking a partner with highly specific, somewhat less common preferences. (more…)

Ask Me Anything: What Kind of Dominant Am I?

While I was active on the site, one of the most common questions I was asked by fellow kinky OkCupid-dwellers was what kind of dominant I am. The truth is that I’m still figuring that out about myself. Although I’ve always had a mind-wiring that coincides perfectly with kink, I’m still fairly new to the world of BDSM. I’m also distant from much of its practice, though it’s one of my favorite topics to discuss with people — both platonically and sexually.  (more…)

Dominant Men vs. Dominant Women: Who I Hate More

Since my introduction to the world of kink, I’ve become attuned to the omnipresent power dynamics in other people’s platonic and romantic relationships, as well as my own. For example, despite my dominant nature, in platonic settings with dominant women, I tend to take on a co-dominant or sometimes submissive role. However, when in the company of dominant men, I usually find myself compelled to challenge their leadership and assert my own.

I wondered, why the sex discrepancy with my platonic relationships? Why wouldn’t I be equally annoyed at all other dominants, not just the men? (more…)

Being the Change You Want to See in the Bedroom (a.k.a. Philly Sex Conference and Toy Shop!)

This past weekend, a friend and I attended the 8th Annual Careers in Sexuality Conference at Widener University in Chester, Pennsylvania. Although the event was geared largely toward aspiring sex educators, there was so much insight to absorb on a general level. Besides, two of the presenters wore dog collars. Dog collars! How cool is that?!

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Dear Future Partner (Calling All Submissives)

In public, you are witty and cunning, but around women, you crumble inside. You fear being found out as a fraud, a coward, and anything less than a “real man”. You drive me wild, yet you have no clue why I would even give you the time of day.

You want me to tear your down to your raw, core emotions, then nurture you back to neutrality. You bear ample emotional baggage and need someone who loves your vulnerability as much as your strength. (more…)

You Can’t Afford Me: The Morality of Financial Sexual Domination

I remember hearing a few years ago of a woman who taught preschool by day and financially enslaved men by night. I don’t remember why the story made the news, but I was puzzled as to why this woman could say such mean things to her clientele, only to have them obediently lavish their life savings upon her.

I was asked the other day about my opinion of the morality of financial domination. What is financial domination, you ask? It’s a type of power play where a dominant partner “forces” a submissive partner to remit money. The play is entirely consensual and often involves blackmail, punishments, and other venues of humiliation by the dominant partner toward the submissive partner for the mutualistic benefit of both partners.

So, where does a reasonable person draw the line between sexual expression and placating an addiction to the point of destitution? (more…)

Fifty Shades of Pissed Off

man reading book beside woman reading book

Photo by Burst on Pexels.com

Valentine’s Day rapidly approaching this weekend means the big-screen debut of Fifty Shades of Grey will, at last, arrive as well. Will I, a self-proclaimed sexuality geek, be attending a viewing?

Hail naw.

At the lunch table this afternoon, my coworker described her lack of interest in both the books and the new film, and my boss agreed. Trying my best to not blush, I delivered a close-to-home-yet-pruned-for-work rant about my disgust with Fifty Shades and its heinously inaccurate depiction of the BDSM lifestyle. (more…)

That Time I Found a Dominatrix on Craigslist

I’ve had some thought-provoking experiences with Craigslist this past year. However, this recent experience was unique and delightful because I was not looking to sell more of my used undergarments and shoes to the men who my horrified mother refers to as, “those internet perverts”.

(… in that voice, no less.)

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