Sexuality

Apparently, I Have a Dry Vagina

My new gynecologist changed my life. Despite my conditioned fear of doctors, she has relieved me of the occasional vaginal pain that I’ve had for years — quickly, and without the need for surgery, therapy, or anything invasive or expensive. Why is this story worth telling? Because every time I researched painful vaginal intercourse online, all I found were recommendations to consult doctors about surgical options or therapy involving graduated dilators. Nowhere did I find the simple solution that my gynecologist recommended. That’s what I want to share with anyone else experiencing pre-menopausal vaginal pain not associated with any type of sexual abuse or trauma. I’m hoping to spare other vagina-bearers some frustration, time, money, and energy. (more…)

Incest at Game Night

I was recently at a friend’s house for a game night, when, as my favorite social gatherings do, someone inadvertently brought up the subject of kink (i.e., less conventional sexual interests and/or practices, including BDSM, fetishes, etc.). This person had misheard someone else during a word-game and thought they had said “daddy,” instead of whatever the word actually was. Some of us chuckled, but she then expressed disgust for incest fantasies, in general. (more…)

Don’t Call Me Goddess (Unless I Tell You To)

Throughout gradeschool, college, and the various jobs I’ve held, people who don’t know me have always addressed me by my legal name initially, until I clarify my preferred nickname. They deferred to formality as a gesture of politeness. So, why on online dating sites does this deference to formality no longer apply? (more…)

I Added A Kinky Dating Application to My OkCupid Profile. Here’s What Happened.

In late July, a friend sent me a screenshot of a woman’s Tinder profile where she included a link to a survey and directed men interested in dating her to fill it out. Although the questions she asked struck me as more superficial and entertaining than for compatibility assessment, I thought her idea was brilliant and decided to do the same for my OkCupid profile. Heck yes for efficiency, especially for someone like me who is seeking a partner with highly specific, somewhat less common preferences. (more…)

20 Lessons I Wish I Knew When I First Started Dating: An Open Letter to My 13-Year-Old Self

Hey there, little one,

It’s nearing the end of eighth grade, and a nice boy in metal shop class just asked you to be his girlfriend. You’re excited, terrified, and have no idea what to expect out of this relationship, but it will be the first of many to come.

(more…)

Why is Sex “Dirty”?

Despite vehemently disliking the phrase, I’ve been called a “dirty girl” on multiple occasions by various guys since the beginning of adolescence. I’ve also frequently been told that I have a “dirty mind” because I enjoy thinking and talking about sexual topics. I wonder, why do we refer to sex as “dirty”? (more…)

That Time I Found Grandpa’s Sex Contract

My paternal grandfather died last summer, and while my father and his siblings were helping my grandmother sort through my grandfather’s belongings, someone happened upon an item which they knew I would appreciate.  (more…)

Go Fuck an Egg: My New Favorite Boytoy

At the Widener conference I attended last fall, I was given two free sex toys: The Lelo Lily, about which I’ve already raved, and the Tenga Easy Beat Egg. The time now has come to sing my praises for that nifty egg — with photos! (more…)

Ask Me Anything: What Kind of Dominant Am I?

While I was active on the site, one of the most common questions I was asked by fellow kinky OkCupid-dwellers was what kind of dominant I am. The truth is that I’m still figuring that out about myself. Although I’ve always had a mind-wiring that coincides perfectly with kink, I’m still fairly new to the world of BDSM. I’m also distant from much of its practice, though it’s one of my favorite topics to discuss with people — both platonically and sexually.  (more…)

Dominant Men vs. Dominant Women: Who I Hate More

Since my introduction to the world of kink, I’ve become attuned to the omnipresent power dynamics in other people’s platonic and romantic relationships, as well as my own. For example, despite my dominant nature, in platonic settings with dominant women, I tend to take on a co-dominant or sometimes submissive role. However, when in the company of dominant men, I usually find myself compelled to challenge their leadership and assert my own.

I wondered, why the sex discrepancy with my platonic relationships? Why wouldn’t I be equally annoyed at all other dominants, not just the men? (more…)