Let me first give a heartfelt thank you to all of you men who have shared (or have offered to share) your bodies with me, in any capacity. That’s a gift that I do not take lightly. What puzzles me, though, is why you can’t recognize your own appeal.
Some of you see yourselves as ogre-like. One fellow even recently described himself as the slender, pale, white boy version of a manatee. You men are not as unappealing as you think you are; not even close — at least not to me. I’m highly selective about who I bed, and if I’ve suggested that we take each other’s clothes off, it means I think you look great and will feel wonderful.
Some of you have preemptively asked me to try to not look too disappointed when you first show your naked selves to me. Others have let your silent, trembling facial expressions speak for themselves.
I love that you’re terrified to take your shirts off. I can hardly express the thrill I feel from the pronounced fear I see in your dilated, fidgety eyes the first time you show me your bare chests and bellies. This fear lessens over time, but I’ve found that it’s initially prevalent throughout most of our subsequent intimate encounters, as though you are convinced that I will find something new and horrible this time when we peel away your shirt.
Most of you have thought your bellies, thighs, and chests were too fat, but a few of you have resented your thinness, too, and you have all wanted more muscle. I have no clue what losing five pounds, twenty pounds, or sixty pounds of fat would look like, nor do I know how adding ten pounds of muscle would look.
I loathe how men say the word, “flabby,” with such self-hatred. We needn’t continue to demonize fat. Besides, I enjoy softer men. They feel more relatable to me, like everyday visual-comfort food, and they’re wonderfully cuddleable. Not all of us who seek male partners are seeking men with statuesque profiles.
And what’s with penis hatred? Numerous male lovers and friends have told me that women, in general, think penises are ugly. One man recently confessed to me that he has had significant difficulty in the past orgasming with female partners because his partners are scared of how large his penis is, think it is ugly, and think semen is a gross inconvenience that they’d rather avoid altogether. It’s not surprising to me that anyone would have a difficult time achieving sexual satisfaction with that shame looming over their head.
I admit that some of my female friends tend to find penises to be homely, but I would not generalize their opinions to all women. Besides, each of those women included a caveat for their own lovers’ penises (i.e. penises are gross except for his).
I have never met a penis I didn’t like.
I think penises are incredible, both in terms of function and entertainment potential. First and foremost, your penis is another awesome part of you, my awesome partner, so that alone makes it fantastical. Second, I’m a detail-oriented control freak, and I love to study the ins and outs of my partners’ brains and bodies, including what Nabokov termed scepters of passion. I love the varying angles of your erections; where your penises naturally wrinkle and fold; your circumcision scar rings; your urethral opening shapes (Some look like miniature labias!); how your veins weave around each other and circle your shaft; the multiple coloration and texture patterns of your penis’s head, shaft, and base; your shaft-versus-tip circumference and length; the curvature of the lip of your penis’s head… everything. And third, THEY MOVE ON THEIR OWN; so cool!
So, relax. I’m well-accustomed to the typical cis-male form, in all its often-hairy, usually-lumpy glory. If there are any bonus features you would like to disclose, feel free, but shy of STDs or illnesses, advanced notice is not necessary.
I don’t pay attention to your bodies in the same ways you do because I’m not hunting for perceived flaws.
I like you. I have no intention to ever become sexually intimate with anyone who I don’t respect and whose company I don’t value. I’m going to enjoy whatever I find under your clothes because it’s off-limits to most other people, because you shield it so fiercely, and — most importantly — because it’s yours.
Please stop apologizing for your body being anything shy of perfect. We’re going to have a lot of fun with you exactly as you are, I promise.