My First F**k

I don’t have any secrets, at least not my own. I prefer to live my life as an open book, with relatively few exceptions (looking at you, current employer). I do, however, consider myself a collector of the secrets of others, which is especially fun when I can partake in those secrets.

Most of my friends don’t know what I’m about to share with the world. Tonight’s juice is about the first time I had penetrative sex. It was during my college years with a trusted partner, and despite the college norm, my first time was actually anal sex, not vaginal. If you want to get technical, the more common name for what I transacted is pegging.

At work last week, one of our lawyers came out of her office with a devilish smirk boasting an equal blend of condescension and curiosity. “Have any of you ever heard of pegging?” she asked. My coworkers were puzzled. A smug grin crept across my face, and I announced that I had heard of pegging. Trying to leave a few cards up my sleeve — as no one at work knows about my interest in sexuality and gender therapy… yet — I succinctly stated that my understanding was of a heterosexual couple where the woman (consensually) inserts a phallic object into the man’s anus and proceeds to have anal sex with him using that object.

Laughter ensued. Why would a woman want to f**k a guy in the butt? Why would a straight guy even want something in his butt?

Prostates and power, my friends. Prostates and power.

My partner at the time did not strike me as the submissive type, and I doubt he was. When he divulged his fantasies to me, he was curious about the physical sensations associated with receiving anal sex, but we were both curious about the shift in power from swapping roles. The penetrator becomes the penetratee? Yes, please!

From what I hear, ManWorld is extremely restrictive over what actions men are allotted before their heteronormativity (and therefore power) is challenged by men, women, and others alike. But that’s just it. I don’t see there being anything inherently “gay” about a man who does not identify as homosexual wanting to receive anal sex, not would I think a gay man would be any less gay for being intimate with a straight man. Or a bi woman. Or a pan anyone. Or whomever. How do I know my partner is straight? He tells me he’s straight. How do I know he’s gay? He tells me he’s gay. How do I know he’s bi, or pan, or asexual, or anything else? He tells me so. That’s it.

Sex doesn’t have to be purely about the physicality. Sometimes, you want your emotions to run rampant alongside your tingly loins, and power play is a great way to involve more of your heart and your head. Lots of heterosexual men secretly fantasize about intimate play with other men, both physically and emotionally. That’s normal, and it’s not a threat to anyone’s sexual orientation. It’s just fun, which is how I believe all sex should be. That’s what it was for my partner and me — fun!

As much as butts make me nervous, my partner promised me that his was clean as a whistle, and he did not disappoint. We slipped a condom over a dildo (Easy clean up, for the win!), and my pelvis was a-thrustin’.

In the moment, I remember being surprised at just how giddy I became. I was getting zero genital stimulation, yet it was an extremely intimate act to share with my partner because we were f**king not just each other, but also our genders. I loved the feeling of my thighs slapping against his, and my belly against his lower back. I loved feeling him convulse and whimper as I plunged inside him. It was one of the most sensual experiences of my life and certainly an emotional accomplishment for the two of us to have shared.

The message I leave you with is simple. Peg freely, lovers and f**kers, young and old. Gender is a boat that is meant to be rocked, and sex feels fantastic. Try blending the two together, and brace yourself for the ride of your life.

22 thoughts on “My First F**k

        1. Oral sex isn’t something I prefer these days. I don’t recall with which lover I was naked for the first time, but it would have happened during my mid-teenage years. I’m sure I was terrified and insecure at the time, but I’d be surprised if he hadn’t been, as well, and there’s a certain comfort to me to experiencing something new with an equally inexperienced mate. It creates a natural emotional bond in addition to that which the activity itself elicits, and that’s special.


          1. Thanks for sharing.My experience was with 2 of my school female friends and we were competing as to who would undress first.It was the first time I was nude with not one but 2 females. I was blushing while they were giggling.


  1. I’ve become addicted to your blog. To find someone as honest and open as you is refreshing. All I’m going to say is, I want you for my Doctor! 🙂 I don’t have a single person in my life that understands the way I feel about sex. So I don’t have anyone to share my thoughts and feelings with. Now I don’t feel so “Ashamed” to be the person I am for the ways I think and feel about sex. I’m NOT the only one! Thank You! For it all!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m tearing up reading your comment — thank you so much for your kind words and gracious compliment! Truly, thank you. I’m so glad to know that I’m not the only person who feels this way about sex, either. Share your thoughts and feelings with me anytime. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I love that you have shared this moment with your readers! I have greatly enjoyed learning so much about you through your blog. Every time I read one of your posts, I am reminded of how lucky I am to have you as a friend:). This post is no different and is definitely something I have been curious about after hearing you speak of it before. Of course that was before it happened and was never sure if it did occur. So brilliantly and simply put. Sexuality is something that everyone should explore without the fear of what society will say or their partners. Once we let go of the norms and find the right person, anything consensual is possible!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Good post, and I agree with your opinions on the matter. Speaking only for myself, you’ve touched on two (rare, given my love of, and interest in, sex) areas that I can genuinely say I’ve never had much interest in: anal sex or physical intimacy with another male. I’ve looked within myself, but can’t tell whether I’m just naturally wired that way or whether it’s socialization.

    There’s no negative evaluation… it’s just like basketball. I don’t really fathom the interest. When I get a prostate examine, the doctor’s finger up my ass just creates a feeling of “Ow!” and a vague desire to pee.

    Maybe I’m just impossibly old-fashioned! XD

    (True story: for a while I had a doctor who was the right age to be — and who looked a bit like — my mom! I had to change doctors, ’cause there was just no way I was going to have my “mom” sticking her finger up my ass. That’s definitely a bridge too far! o_O )


  4. This is the best thing I have read all week.

    Never in my life have I wanted to try anal sex until this moment.

    Why can’t more people write so openly about sex like this? Your voice on the subject is so refreshing…and I feel like I always learn a thing or two from reading your posts!

    Liked by 1 person

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