I don’t have any secrets, at least not my own. I prefer to live my life as an open book, with relatively few exceptions (looking at you, current employer). I do, however, consider myself a collector of the secrets of others, which is especially fun when I can partake in those secrets.
Most of my friends don’t know what I’m about to share with the world. Tonight’s juice is about the first time I had penetrative sex. It was during my college years with a trusted partner, and despite the college norm, my first time was actually anal sex, not vaginal. If you want to get technical, the more common name for what I transacted is pegging.
At work last week, one of our lawyers came out of her office with a devilish smirk boasting an equal blend of condescension and curiosity. “Have any of you ever heard of pegging?” she asked. My coworkers were puzzled. A smug grin crept across my face, and I announced that I had heard of pegging. Trying to leave a few cards up my sleeve — as no one at work knows about my interest in sexuality and gender therapy… yet — I succinctly stated that my understanding was of a heterosexual couple where the woman (consensually) inserts a phallic object into the man’s anus and proceeds to have anal sex with him using that object.
Laughter ensued. Why would a woman want to f**k a guy in the butt? Why would a straight guy even want something in his butt?
Prostates and power, my friends. Prostates and power.
My partner at the time did not strike me as the submissive type, and I doubt he was. When he divulged his fantasies to me, he was curious about the physical sensations associated with receiving anal sex, but we were both curious about the shift in power from swapping roles. The penetrator becomes the penetratee? Yes, please!
From what I hear, ManWorld is extremely restrictive over what actions men are allotted before their heteronormativity (and therefore power) is challenged by men, women, and others alike. But that’s just it. I don’t see there being anything inherently “gay” about a man who does not identify as homosexual wanting to receive anal sex, not would I think a gay man would be any less gay for being intimate with a straight man. Or a bi woman. Or a pan anyone. Or whomever. How do I know my partner is straight? He tells me he’s straight. How do I know he’s gay? He tells me he’s gay. How do I know he’s bi, or pan, or asexual, or anything else? He tells me so. That’s it.
Sex doesn’t have to be purely about the physicality. Sometimes, you want your emotions to run rampant alongside your tingly loins, and power play is a great way to involve more of your heart and your head. Lots of heterosexual men secretly fantasize about intimate play with other men, both physically and emotionally. That’s normal, and it’s not a threat to anyone’s sexual orientation. It’s just fun, which is how I believe all sex should be. That’s what it was for my partner and me — fun!
As much as butts make me nervous, my partner promised me that his was clean as a whistle, and he did not disappoint. We slipped a condom over a dildo (Easy clean up, for the win!), and my pelvis was a-thrustin’.
In the moment, I remember being surprised at just how giddy I became. I was getting zero genital stimulation, yet it was an extremely intimate act to share with my partner because we were f**king not just each other, but also our genders. I loved the feeling of my thighs slapping against his, and my belly against his lower back. I loved feeling him convulse and whimper as I plunged inside him. It was one of the most sensual experiences of my life and certainly an emotional accomplishment for the two of us to have shared.
The message I leave you with is simple. Peg freely, lovers and f**kers, young and old. Gender is a boat that is meant to be rocked, and sex feels fantastic. Try blending the two together, and brace yourself for the ride of your life.